Challenging the Premises of Weight Loss

Dieting and Weight Loss Goals are Ubiquitous in Our Culture

Most people purse weight loss at some point in their lives, even if it is considered normal and healthy to make efforts to manipulate your body size and shape. Pervasive within our culture, there is an unspoken belief that when you become thinner or achieve that illustrious goal weight that you will magically solve all of life’s problems. Thinness is automatically associated with worth and value.

In the pursuit of weight loss it is important to consider these three points:

• The pain of having a body that doesn’t fit the cultural ideal is very real. The belief that you can finally be happy/successful/accepted/loved if you achieve the cultural thin ideal is underneath the pain.

• Setting a goal weight or striving to achieve weight loss leads to dieting leads to:

• Long-term weight gain, diminishing self-esteem, increased feelings of guilt, shame, and feeling like a failure.

The Reality About Weight Loss

Dieting achieves the opposite of what you are trying to get, 95% of the time. The basic premise of restricting food to gain happiness is fundamentally flawed. By eating less and ignoring hunger, you are creating the perfect conditions for overeating or binge eating. You are also increasing the likelihood for worsening physical health and mental heath conditions, including fatigue and irritability due to hunger, social isolation due to strict food limitations, food obsession due to perceived deprivation, and feelings of guilt and failure when you resume eating.

Redefining Happiness

• Happiness is a byproduct of being in your own truth, choosing your own path, and feeling in charge over your own life. You can speak your truth, stand up for yourself and proclaim to the world that you matter.

• Honor all aspects of your being by harnessing power from within. You can ask your body what it needs and nourish yourself based on the idea that you can trust yourself.

• Claim your right to create your own path. And in this way, you can choose to be beautiful in your body exactly the way it is, right now.

Will weight loss happen? I don’t know. Bodies are all different and have unique set points or the weight at which your body is balanced and can easily maintain. Can you alter this set point? Yes, but it comes at a high cost - a reduction in your overall quality of life. In the end it’s not about food or weight. It’s about how you feel about your life and yourself.

Please email or call 971-204-8965 to schedule a complementary consultation or schedule an appointment.

Making Peace with Food

Many people have a fraught, even adversarial relationship with food, and if this is true for you - I’m glad you are here. Before we dive deeper, it is important to know that having trouble with food is not your fault. In fact, there probably have been times in you life when food has been a source of comfort, a friend, and perhaps it even saved you in some way.

We all live in culture that insists that dieting is the answer to the problems in life. You probably already know this is simply false, but you may not know where to begin to help yourself end this destructive pattern of chronic dieting and weight fluctuations. The reasons you have for needing food to cope is not your fault, and recovery is absolutely possible!

Don’t Go it Alone

Secrecy can shrink your life considerably and steal your sense of connection with others. Most people who struggle with food feel very isolated, as the feelings of shame can make it difficult to connect with others. In fact, you may feel that you don’t deserve to be loved at all, thus further distancing you from the experience of intimacy. I encourage you to reach out to a trusted friend or family member and if you feel safe, you can share a bit of your struggles. Shame recedes in the light of day, and a first step in healing may be for you to shine a soft light on your struggles, and talk about it.

Practice Self-Compassion to Diminish Feelings of Shame

Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself throughout the day. By noticing patterns of self-talk, you are gaining invaluable information that we can use to empower you to be kinder to yourself, especially around food, eating, and body image. Forgive yourself for being imperfect by telling yourself things like:

“I am doing the best I can, and it’s enough.”

“I am entitled to food, regardless of my body size or shape.”

“My body is a good body, right now. It protects me, holds me and keeps me safe.”

Trying to silence the bullying thoughts can be very challenging, particularly if you are accustomed to speaking to yourself this way. Sometimes, adding in some kinder thoughts is good place to start. By recognizing that you are only human, and that despite your perceived failings, you still deserve food, respect, and kindness.

Consider the Idea that Dieting May Harm You

By attempting to control what, when, and how much you eat, you inadvertently set off a biological and psychological chain reaction that can be profoundly counterproductive and even harmful. That’s because avoiding particular foods that you perceive as “bad” only makes them more powerful and alluring, and most people end up bingeing on those same forbidden foods. Furthermore, trying to control how much and/or when you eat creates a disconnect from your body’s hunger and fullness sensations. This could mean that you lose sense of when you are hungry, only to find yourself overeating because you are starving when you finally eat. For many people, dieting actually leads to weight gain, not weight loss. If you can listen to your body’s messages about hunger, fullness, cravings, fatigue, and energy - you won’t need external rules to tell you what’s right for you, because you already know.

Stop Judging Your Food Choices

Along with the same lines of granting yourself compassion and forgiveness, you can lean in to your curiosity about food choices and actions, and begin to ask your body what it craves. Because judgement breeds guilt, shame, and sense of moral failing, my hope is that you will instead try to gently wonder about your hunger, fullness, and the types of food that you are drawn toward. As you end your judgments about food choices, you will find that food will have less power over you as you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what is desired when biologically hungry. Food is a profound metaphor for life, and as you learn more about your hunger (both physical and emotional hunger), you will learn more about your true self, and what you desire. With this empowering information, you can find freedom, peace, and satisfaction with food and body, and create a life that is meaningful.

Think of Your Body in New, Empowering Ways

Chances are that if you are struggling with food, you also struggle with body image. It’s nearly impossible to think of food without thinking of your body. Rather than focusing on your perceived imperfections, remember all of the extraordinary things that your body does for you everyday. It allows you to have experiences - whether it be walking on the beach, hugging your child, sleeping in, or laughing with a friend. All of your five senses are held within your physical self - you can see a wide smile on your friend’s face, you can smell coffee brewing in the morning; you can feel the embrace from your child; and you can hear the music of laughter. None of these things depend on how your body appears. Self-consciousness (what you image others are thinking of you) can be a thief of joy and pleasure. The antidote is to remind yourself that your body is a good body right now; it is literally and figuratively the pulse of life.

If you’d like to learn more about making peace with food and improving body image resilience, please call 971-240-8965 or email me to schedule an appointment. Together, we can look closely at your thought patterns that keep you stuck in shame, and approach healing with compassion.

What Is Sensorimotor Psychotherapy?

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a body-oriented therapy that is focused on healing the whole person - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually - allowing you to discover the physical and psychological automatic attitudes that develop your patterns of experience. This gentle therapy can teach you to follow the inherently intelligent process of your mind and body in order to discover deep change and healing. It is particularly helpful in helping people manage the effects of trauma, abuse and emotional pain.

This method was developed by Pat Ogden, Ph.D and colleagues in 1980s. It blends theory and technique from cognitive, affective, and psychodynamic therapy with somatic approaches, and has become a renowned method to treat some of the most difficult psychological struggles, including physical and emotional trauma.

Traumatic experiences often interrupt the natural rhythms of life and lead to disruptive body sensations, emotions, and thoughts. These tough experiences often get stored in sensory perceptions, posture and movement, as well as in emotions and thoughts, making them incredibly difficult to process. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy works by enabling clients to focus their awareness on the present moment, so that the client and the therapist can work together through the here and now. This work effects and alters the way that information is processed in the brain, which results in lasting transformation in the experience of the body, one’s self-image and their worldview. Through simple experimentation, unconscious attitudes can arrive in consciousness, where they are examined, understood and changed.

This method fosters curiosity and self-awareness, and allows the wisdom of the body to guide the natural drive towards movement and integration of trauma and attachment issues. With the guidance of your therapist, you can learn skills to help you regulate hyper-arousal and numbing, and process thoughts, emotions, and body-based experiences related to trauma in a mindful, contained manner.

If you would like to learn more about Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and discover healing through your body, please call 971-240-8965 or email me to schedule an appointment.

How To Start Showing Your Body Kindness

Many people struggle with body image, both women and men. It is rare in our culture to find a person who is completely satisfied with how their body looks.

Body image is the mental image you have of your body, along with your attitudes, feelings and beliefs about your body. If you struggle with negative body image, you may say unkind things to yourself about how you look, focus on your (perceived) imperfections, avoid wearing particular clothing for fear of exposing your “flaws,” or perhaps punish your body with a new diet or grueling exercise. Unfortunately, negative body image is far more common, and when considering that our culture is obsessed with thinness and “perfection,” it makes sense. Social media photos, photoshopped images and advertisements, the unrelenting portrayal of thin bodies in the media, and the opinions of friends and family members - all greatly influence your body image. It’s no surprise that you miss the positive and empowering aspects of your body.

To begin to improve your body image and feel better about yourself, you can start with showing your body kindness. Showing your body kindness means nourishing your body with foods you enjoy, engaging in joyful movement, prioritizing self-care, and speaking to yourself with compassion and gentleness. For many, the idea of showing your body kindness can feel impossible, however you don’t have to love your body to treat it with some respect. Here are other ways that you show your body some kindness:

Resist Comparisons

Comparing your body to someone else’s body (usually photoshopped or otherwise altered) is a trap. You probable already know this, but here’s a reminder: most of the images you see in the media are not real. Moreover, body diversity is part of life and it is a good thing. Your body is unique and simply cannot look like anyone else’s.

Appreciate What Your Body Does For You

Your body is an incredible organism that has evolved over millions of years. Imagine the myriad tasks it accomplishes without any conscious effort from you - it keeps you warm and cools you down; it fends off illnesses, threats and injuries; it supports and carries you; it transforms foods into brain power and energy; it connects you to your loved ones through touch and sensation; and it guides you toward the things/people/foods that are good for you via your desires and intuition. When you find yourself saying mean things about your body, add in some friendly comments about the miraculous things your body does for you.

Have Fun Moving Your Body

Joyful movement can be one of life’s greatest pleasures, and is a good way to connect with your body in a friendly, empowering way. In contrast to grueling exercise, the goal of moving your body is to enjoy yourself and develop trust and appreciation for your many capabilities. By listening to the messages of your body, you can learn to engage in the physical activities that work for you, and will therefore be beneficial for your mental health, physical health, and body image. Experiment with different activities like walking, gardening, hiking, dancing, yoga, gentle stretching, and if you are tired, perhaps a nap is best. Do what you enjoy and what feels right for your unique body.

Be Gentle With Yourself

Life is complex and requires enormous fortitude. By showing yourself kindness, you are signaling to yourself and your friends, family and co-workers that despite your (perceived) imperfections - your body matters. By practicing self-compassion you are deliberately nurturing yourself, which can improve your body image and reduces the shame spiral. For some, self-compassion looks like self-forgiveness and the recognition that “mistakes” and “failures” are part of life and do not diminish your value as a human being. For others, self-compassion might look like saying to yourself, “my body does a good job of keeping me safe, supported and alive” when negative thoughts intrude.

When negative ideas about your body persist, it may feel impossible to stop them. These thoughts and feelings can be very painful, and may impede your ability to enjoy your life to the fullest. Working with a therapist can help tremendously.

If you’d like to learn more about improving your body image, please call 971-240-8965 or email me to schedule an appointment. I offer a free initial consultation and would be happy to help you improve your body image, happiness, and well-being.

Dealing with Negative Body Image

In my work with clients, I often say negative body image is the first to come and the last to leave in the treatment of food and body issues.  And that is a pretty consistent truth for the many recovery journeys I have witnessed over the years.  My clients have taught me the meaning about body image, regardless of whether they have a full blown eating disorder or not. 

Everyone has (at least) a bad body image day.  No one is immune to body image struggles in our culture.

Depending on where you fall, if at all, on the disordered eating spectrum, dealing with harsh, intrusive, negative thoughts and compulsions regarding your body is a common part of dealing with disordered eating.  You may recognize all too well some of these recurring negative thoughts used to bully and shame yourself.  So many try to manage these thoughts and feelings by stuffing them and putting on their "I'm fine" or "It's all good" masks of virtue, hiding the truth that they are at war with their body.  Many try to manage the pain of being in their skin and their body shame by:

• Over-exercising

• Restricting eating

• Dieting

• Mindless, emotional eating

• Comparing

• Competing

• Shaming

And this can lead to a dark journey into the world of eating disorders and disordered eating.  Yet, many hover in this place of emotional ickiness where they cannot shake the uneasiness of living in their skin and make genuine, though harmful, attempts to get relief.  For many of you, this battle is really not about your body.  Often times, when we move away from the laser focus obsessions on what needs to change in our body and pull back the blinders, we will recognize that something else is going on in you life.

Instead of defaulting to negative food and body obsessions, I work with my clients on how to acknowledge what they are really feeling and what they are really thinking in that moment.  Then we work on respecting those thoughts and feelings in the moment.  I also emphasize the truth in how my clients feel.  What they feel is always real, but rarely is it ever fact.  Finally, we focus on how to respond differently when body hatred arises. Instead of stuffing, minimizing, or denying - which can only fuel the negative thoughts and coping tools - I work with my clients on accessing new tools and strategies when the dreaded body image surfaces.

When there is too much focus on feeling better in your body and not looking at the connection with bad body image to other factors - physical, emotional, social, and spiritual - then I think we are limiting the potential of experiencing true healing.  It is okay not to love your body all the time, but it is imperative to focus on respecting your body and being grateful for your body, even when you do not like it.  You can actually dislike your body while also showing your body respect and gratitude.  Eventually, respect and gratitude will win if you hang in there.

Consider this strategy in your relationship with your body.  With heavy doses of respect and gratitude, in addition to responding differently to your bad body image days, the feeling of your body may never being enough may dissipate, and eventual truce with your body may be declared.  And if one of those days surfaces again, the hope is you do not shame yourself for backsliding in your recovery, but see your body image difficulties as a hint to investigate further.  All the while administering generous doses of respect and gratitude.

Living A More Authentic life

This month, I have been on a Brené Brown kick, as I like to call it.   I read several of her books, watched her TED Talks, and implemented a therapeutic group called Shame Resilience.  I can tell you that even after my "Brené kick," it is still something that I am still figuring out, but I'm certainly much closer.  Living our lives authentically and embracing the unknown is difficult for a lot of us, and is something we have to actively work on.  We are really good at shaming ourselves when we do things wrong, but we need to get better about being self-compassionate in those moments - pushing away shame and embracing a moment of growth.

Her book "Gifts of Imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are" appears to be a short book, but it is full of huge concepts - things that force us to look at ourselves.  She works to normalize how many of us feel shame, explores our avoidance of vulnerability, and shares with us how we could be living quite differently if we choose to embrace discomfort instead of pushing it away.  At one point she states: "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are."  Read that again - letting go of who we think we're supposed to be, and embracing who we ARE.....

Choosing authenticity means to:

• Cultivate the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
• Exercise the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle.
• Nurture the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are "enough."

All of that sounds great, but it asks us to dig deep, which is not always easy, especially when we are really good at shaming ourselves.  One way she argues that we can bring about authenticity is by having self-compassion.

According to her book, self-compassion has three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

• Self-kindness:  Being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or beating ourselves up with self-criticism.
• Common humanity:  Suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience - something we all go through rather than something that happens to "me" alone.
• Mindfulness:  Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.  We cannot ignore pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.  Mindfulness requires that we not "over-identify" with thoughts or feelings, so we are not caught up and swept away be negativity, 

In avoiding vulnerability and pain, we often block ourselves from opportunities.  We do this out of fear of how we will feel if it doesn't work out, if we're rejected, if we get hurt in the end.  These are barriers to what Brené Brown describes as living an authentic and vulnerable life, but if we learn to push away that negative self-talk, and be gentle with our imperfect selves, we may just start opening ourselves up.  Her book isn't a quick fix because this is life work, however, it's a good place to start to dig deep and get really personal with yourself.  I encourage you to lean into that fear, and push yourself away of needing to know.  

Practicing Self-Compassion

So often I hear clients say, "I would never talk to a friend like I take to myself," maybe that is where the term you are your own worst critic comes from?  So badgering yourself all day is motivation, or so we are taught.  What if there is another way.  What if we were compassionate towards ourselves as opposed to critical.  When we are compassionate to loved ones, or even strangers, it seems to be uplifting and help to them, and yet we fail to see how this can be helpful for us!

We go about our day on auto pilot, which is similar to how our thoughts work.  We call this automatic critical thoughts because we think without noticing.  Most of the time we are not even fully aware how critical we are of ourselves.  Step back and think about your own inner dialogue, maybe even write some thoughts down.  Think about how many times you have an automatic thought like, "I should have... or I am so lazy, I can't get anything done."  Would you say that to a friend?  Most likely that's not very helpful or encouraging.  It's a good reminder to think about how your automatic self critical thoughts impact you on a day to day.  

When you can't seem to understand why you are feeling down or angry, take an inventory of your critical thoughts.  What you might notice is how critical thought impact your mood.  Practicing self-compassion is not something you can change overnight.  It takes practice and persistence, but once you are able to implement it you will be amazed at how much more effective you can be. 

What Truly Makes Us Happy?

In his TED talk, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger describes the results of a study he directs at Harvard where they have tracked over 700 men for 75 years to find out what actually makes us happy.  Not surprisingly, what they found is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. People who are more socially connected, they have found, are happier, physically healthier, and live longer.  People who are more isolated than they want to be find that they are less happy and their health declines earlier.  Also, Waldinger says, it's not just the number of the relationships, but the quality of the relationships that matter.  He reminds us that while we would like a quick fix for happiness, relationships can be messy and take work, but the work can make for a rewarding life.  

Where do you find your worth?

One of the major themes that caught my attention this month was the idea of self-worth.  Specifically with those struggling with an addiction or eating disorder, self-worth is often linked to long-standing cemented beliefs that their value and worthiness are dependent on false ideals and extrinsic factors completely unrelated to their actual identity as a person.  Often times, these distortions can be linked all the way back to even the smallest messages received in childhood.

Whether or not you struggle or have struggled with a mental health disorder, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse or an eating disorder, self-worth is a very loaded topic for us all.  So this gets me thinking, where do we find our self-worth and how do we measure it?

Obviously, this answer will vary person-to-person, but some ideas that come to mind from my experience working in this field, and just from being a human myself, include :

• how much money you have. Sometimes people feel like they can’t acquire enough wealth to be valuable enough, but money does not equal worthiness.

• how you look. From the number on the scale, to the number of calories you eat/don’t eat a day, to the number of push-ups you do or miles you can run, to the latest plastic surgery, this is a big one in our society.

• what others think of you. Let’s not pretend that we haven’t dealt with this one at some point in our lives. Separating our own opinions, desires, goals, or likes or dislikes, from those of others - especially people we naturally seek belonging, love, and approval from- can be very difficult.

I believe that it is all really about balance.  Some of the things that I mentioned can be healthy to a point, but more than likely, quickly turn into a slippery slope due to demanding unrealistic expectations or ideals about things that may not actually define who you are on the inside, as a human, a friend, a parent, or a child.  So my hope is that as a community, we will continue to be cognizant of the tempting, yet dysfunctional, ideas of what makes people valuable or worthy of love and belonging.  There are far healthier and more productive ways for us to define our self-worth, and while I can’t tell you what those things may be for you, I encourage you to reflect on how you tend to measure your self-worth, and where your worth really lies. 

Why Counseling?

There are many reasons that people seek therapy.  Perhaps you are feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns, struggling with depression, anxiety or relational issues.  Perhaps your relationship with food has affected you health, relationships, and joy.  You may find yourself feeling confused, hopeless, or overwhelmed.  All of these are just a few reasons that people seek counseling.  Counseling provides a safe, confidential place to explore what is happening in your life, more towards resolution and seek healing.  

Counseling is also an investment, and I am not just talking about finances; it is also an investment in time and energy.  It is worth considering, and even asking yourself these two question:  What is healing and wholeness worth to me?  And, what could it look like to become more whole, authentic, or experience more freedom in your life?  However, if you find these to be difficult areas for you to explore then myself or your therapist can help you uncover your values and beliefs related to the process and hope of healing in your life.  

Selecting the right therapist is also an important factor to consider, and research has shown that the client-therapist fit is one of the factors that determines success in therapy.  I encourage you to find a therapist who not only feels like the right fit for you, but is also someone who has the skills and expertise to help you work through the struggles bringing you into therapy.  I have included the following questions below just to serve as a guide to help you begin the process of finding a therapist:

What is your approach to therapy?  In other words, how do you believe that health and healing happen in counseling?

If the therapist states that they think that they can “fix” you, it is most likely not going to be the best fit.  The point of therapy is to help you become and discover the strong, amazing person you are, not to discover how incredible the therapist is!  This is not to say that your therapist won’t use helpful tools and interventions to facilitate healing, but rather that you play an active and integral part in the healing process.

How much do you charge and how long are the sessions?

A therapist should be able to tell you how long the session is (typically 45-50 minutes) and their current rate.  You can also ask if they offer any low fee spots as many therapists offer these on a limited basis.  

Do you accept insurance?

Make sure to find out what, if any insurance providers your therapists works with.  In addition, you should also contact your insurance company to verify your coverage, copays, and exclusions.

What tools or techniques do you use?  What should I expect generally during a counseling session?

A therapist will be able to give you a general picture of the tools they use and the theories that they work from.  Counseling is a fluid process which means that often sessions look different from week to week, but regardless you should be able to get an idea of what is happening in sessions.  You also always have the option of telling the therapist what tools don’t work for you, or what anxieties you may have around certain techniques.  

I encourage you to take a look around my site and contact me if you have any questions or would like to schedule an initial appointment.